Heart Broken

[Panterro]

So the wife and I, and my Daughter who is 12 and my youngest boy 9, went shopping tonight for Christmas Gifts and some other things. We went to Bullseye, and got our stuff there, and then we left and drove back to our side of town and went to another store and got dinner.. Went into the Movie place and rented a couple movies, and on the way out, my youngest is screaming at my wife that my Daughter didn't put something back. After frisking her, like a common criminal, and discovering she shopped lifted stuff from a couple of the stores we visited I was Heart Broken.

My fatherhood kicked in and wanted to protect her, but my cop side kicked in and said this is wrong and it has to be returned. So we returned the items, she got her picture taken and lack listed at 2 stores tonight. My trust and heart is broken.

I feel so lost, and guilty.. where did I go wrong? I feel like such a bad parent.. And I just don't know how to proceed.

[Wyody]

There comes a point when you realize that your children are beyond your control. Sometimes it comes sooner, sometimes later ... but it comes. You've known it was coming since you were first made to realize that you couldn't control your kids all their life - that as soon as they were exposed to anybody besides you that they would mirror the world as much as they mirror you.
Chances are you didn't go wrong anywhere.
I'm guessing that your wife will help you reel it all in.
Buck up Partner. Welcome to gray hair.
Peace

[Panterro]

LOL.. I don't need any more gray hair.. lol. Im only 37 years old and what hair I have left is more gray than black.. My kids call me Santa.. cause my beard and head is all grey and I am rather jolly around the middle.. heh heh.

[Curious George]

I wouldn’t get to upset pan , this is just the beginning , you won’t know how good or Difficult your kids are until there a lot older an you can look back. whoes to say you did anything wrong , all kids are different even your own an all need to be treated different. I probably wouldn’t of got her black listed or even told the store just returned the stuff, but that’s me. I think you need to sit her down an explain to her that she has lost your trust for some time to come that an just talk to her an find out why she did it , if she’ll talk to you . kids do allot of dumb stuff an have bad judgment an it has nothing to do with you , heck some of us still do dumb stuff. I think the worst thing parents can do is to think there kid can’t or wouldn’t do anything wrong , kids will do what kids do , just be on the lookout an don’t be naive , then deal with it when it happens.one other thing , they don’t set out to heart you, there just not capable of seeing the big pitcher or down the road.

[Panterro]

Thanks CG. Yeah I sat down with her... had the talk. She is the middle child, and I am told that they tend to feel a need to fight for attention.. her more so since she is bookended by brothers.

I did let her know I am very disappointed, and hurt by this, and what hurts the most is I cant trust her. I told her she has to earn that trust back now.

She said she did it, because The Aunt and myself were joking with her saying the kids were not getting any Christmas Presents. She should know by now they always get something.. She also said if she had asked me for it, I would of said no. I told her that is no excuse for stealing. I also told her there are many things I want, but I don't just go take them. But yeah we had a long talk. I can tell she is really upset about what she did.. I just think I need to keep a better eye on her, until I feel I can trust her again.

Thanks it just hurts to have your little Angel have a dark side.

[Curious George]

Ah….I wouldn’t call it a dark side , just a laps in judgment , kids gota make mistakes when there young so they’ll learn , better now then when there 18 or older.

[Panterro]

Thats true. Thanks for the clear perspective.

[Wyoming53]

I feel for you man. I have 7 kids. They've tried every corner. You gotta do what you gotta do. Hang in there and keep a stiff upper lip.

[MyAzi]

Pan... as difficult as it was, you did the right thing. With any luck, this will have scared her to never do it again.

[PDXnative]

"Black listed from two stores"? That is harsh. Ground her and/or take away some freedoms and make her know that it is really wrong. Talk to her, and then talk to her some more and let her know how disappointed you are and how wrong it is. Kids will make mistakes until they know that it is REALLY wrong and has consequences. Show her this, but in a caring way. I am glad mine is only 3.

[Panterro]

I took her back to the store, and returned the items she took, the Store managers at both stores took her picture and told her she was not allowed back in the stores. They even called the police out. Yeah she got scared, I did too.. I think they went a bit over the top myself.. I knew the cops, and we talked and recalled when we were kids and did stupid stuff. They told me not to worry.. no charges or anything, and most of this was for show to scare her straight.